I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
