So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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