So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.