Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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