Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
