We won't sleep together?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
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You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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