Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm passing your future prison.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
