I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
