Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
