Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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