I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
