I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
