Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
