uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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