I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
