i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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