shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
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I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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