sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
