So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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