Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
pray to the hookup gods
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
