final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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