you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
