we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
