So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
