You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
