i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
