yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
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He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
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When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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