i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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