I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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