I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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