you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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