she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
