guys are not supposed to queef...right?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
