dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
