Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
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second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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