4 words: hood of his car
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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