you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
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FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize