apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
These tits shall not be calmed
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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