HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
even my farts smell like vagina
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Randomize
