i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
