okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
