is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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