I want to have your abortion
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
