Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
