Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
