Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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