I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
