At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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