he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
