8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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