So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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