he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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