well you can't waste a boner
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
