I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
