wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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