Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
