Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
