I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
No subtext here. People are naked.
Houston, we have a blender
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
