My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
