he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Randomize
